This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
