I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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