In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Welp...herpes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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