you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
