i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
