It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
