Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Someone came in the potted fern
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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