I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
