It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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