so that wasnt chicken after all
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
