I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
