last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
