Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
