i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
