Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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