Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize