home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
