It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
