Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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