You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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