im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
