I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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