the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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