I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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