It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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