I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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