Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
