I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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