Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've changed since you got that strap on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
