Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
