That's intense
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
