Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
