My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
