Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
