I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
