I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
