My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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