Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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