in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my poor anus
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
