your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
