This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
