Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize