Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
