i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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