Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
