i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
