I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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