At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
