dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
