how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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