found the other keg... it's in the tree
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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