Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
