Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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