Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
