My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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