it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
