He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
