How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
