Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
