I didn't shave. On purpose
Where is the hickey?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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